Retail Drone, Part 2

Well, work sucked today. There were two good customers the whole day. The rest were a happy mixture of morons, tyre-kickers, and the purely evil. Not to mention I think Cute Girl has a boyfriend, which is always the way.
I’ll make a list of the idiots who came in today, for my own satisfaction.

Moans For Kicks Man:
This guy was what Gollum would look like if you stretched him out to six feet tall and took away the nice bits, and gave him cancer of the personality. He came in for no other reason but to moan that we’d caused him trouble trying to get in a microwave he was happy with. The story was he’d bought a microwave. He brought it back to the store because it was fogging up when he cooked stuff in it. Microwaves do this. He obviously didn’t know, and wouldn’t accept any of the staff’s explanations (I wasn’t there at the time) that it was perfectly normal. So one of the staff – Cute Girl I think – rang the manufacturer and got some retard who didn’t know that microwaves fog up sometimes. So we got him a new microwave. Which he decided was not big enough. “Product knowledge,” he said, wagging his finger under his tumour of a nose. “Product knowledge would have saved me all this hassle.” I was a spectator for most of the time while he berated the girls, who are just out of school and in their first full time jobs. When he started getting heated I butted in, asking what the trouble was. He told me, in great detail. I tried to explain that the girls could hardly be expected to magically know everything about all the products in their first two weeks on the job. He didn’t care. He just wanted to bitch and feel a little power in his impotent veins. I said (politely as hell, of course): “So you just came in to tell us how unhappy you are?”
Him (entirely missing the sarcasm) “Yes. I am very unhappy”
Me: “There’s nothing else we can help you with?”
Him “No.”
Me: “Well, go shove your face in a blender and do the world a favour, you stupid, imbecilic, narcissistic fucking excuse for a human being.”
I didn’t say that, but I bloody well should have.

Waste All My Fucking Time Woman:
This bitch came in asking about a laptop, as her last one had died. Lots of questions, which I answered. Then moaning about the price. I figured it was going downhill fast, but I said I’d see what we could do with the price anyway. Now, the computer was already discounted right down, almost to cost. I took 50 bucks off and explained. Was she happy? No. So I saw the manager and asked if we could take any more. I got another fifty off. I should explain about discounts and how we calculate them. Discounts eat into the shop profit. The more we discount the less the shop makes. Company policy is we can only discount down to a certain margin (it’s not supposed to be lower than 15 per cent) otherwise the company isn’t even clearing staff wages. The way I’d sussed this laptop, it was barely scraping the 10 per cent margin. It was, without a doubt, the cheapest retail laptop in the country. We were literally paying her to take it away. What did she do?
“Oh, for god’s sake. I’m not paying that much for a computer. I’m going to go next door (there’s another electronics shop next door. God knows what they were thinking) and get one there.”
She’s welcome to it, not that a cheaper one exists in New Zealand. I hope it explodes. Her last one probably committed suicide.

The Person Who Made Me So Angry I Can’t Remember Anything About Them:
I don’t know who this person was, what they wanted, or what they said to piss me off. All I know is that I swore and ground my teeth and fumed for about ten minutes after they’d left, enough to start worrying my co-workers. They understood, though. Everyone agreed that it was the worst day for customers we’d seen in ages.

The funny thing was, we made quite a lot of money for the day. We should have Satan’s minions in more often. They’re pricks, but they’re big spenders.